Find jokes

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.

Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?

A: Because BB-8 it.

Ya it's bad:)

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.