So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
Field Jokes
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. đđđđđđ
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so heâs very excited.
However, heâs not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seatâs in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy whoâs sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, âNo.â
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, âHow could someone pass up a seat like this?â
The older guy replies, âItâs my wifeâs seat. Weâve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but sheâs passed away.â
âOh, how sad,â the young guy says, taken aback. âIâm sorry to hear that, but couldnât you find a friend or relative to come with you?â
âNo,â the man replies, âTheyâre all at the funeral.â
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: Whatâs the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Whatâs a fireflyâs favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up.
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed.
Q: Why was the shoe bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop.
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt.
Q: Whatâs rainâs favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow.
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co.
Q: Whatâs a princessâs favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: Whatâs a ballerinaâs favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop âtil they hop.
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is cornâs favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why canât Monday lift Saturday?
A: Itâs a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer playerâs favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer.
Q: Whatâs a ball that you donât throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didnât the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field.
Q: What is the math teacherâs favorite dessert?
A: Pi.
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?
Why donât orphans play football?
They have no home field.
Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?
'Cause he made his home run.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
