Father's jokes
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
Girl: "Daddy!"
Father: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"
Father: "Mhm!"
Woman: "Daddy?"
Father: "Of course?"
Woman: "I'm a girl too!"
Father: "Does God love children?"
Boy: "Yessss..."
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.