What’s the difference between the barracuda car and fish?

The fish can’t go fast.



what did the mustard say to the ketchup quit running so fast let me KETCHUP to you.



Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I’ll always be here for you.


  1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

  1. What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

  1. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

  1. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

  1. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!



God- make a grumpy old man president Angel-why g-cause I said so-name him trump a-okay G-make him not pay taxes a-okay… Fast forwrd to 2020 G- you know that grumpy old man a-yea… G-make him create a deadly virus named after a beer A- Krona G- exactly A- why do you hate humans so much G- because I can.



I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks. This is God’s clock. It never moved because he never lied. This is your clock. It move 3 times because you lied 3 times i asked where is President trumps clock. he said it was at the equator. Spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true



Why did the clock eat so fast?

He wanted to go in for SECONDS! Super bad Huh?



why is the cheetah so fast because it cant walk slow



Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket. Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣



The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast … All over her face 🤤



ur mom fat lol


Daniel King

Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?

Because they can’t catch it!



How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red? As soon as the bomb exploded on her.



As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast, it has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.



Roses are red, I reload fast… imma pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast


deviruzh or devirush

I don’t ever really bother women, but when I do I usually just want to talk, I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that’s not a 10 or a 5 , I get shutdown so fast , I put out lit candles…like damn, I thought I hid my ring



why do atletes cool down fast cause they have fans

wash your hands



Why don’t Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!!!11



If you spin a fidget spinner You’ll end up spinning it too fast when you end up spinning it too fast It will make you fly away when you fly away you’ll end up in a tree when you end up in a tree You’ll see that your friends are hanging out without you When you see that your friends are hanging out without you You’ll run away in the woods because your sad When you ran away in the woods you’ll see a bear when you see a bear it will chase you when the bear chases you you’ll build a fort to protect yourself when you build a fort to protect yourself You than notice your lonely You’ll become friends with the bear When you become friends with a bear, you’ll start to act like a bear when you start to act like a bear You will become a bear DO NOT BECOME A BEAR NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER



Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in. “Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor” she said. “S’truth, Sheila!” Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. “You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber.” They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. “No way, we can’t do it!” Cobber said, “So let’s try Plan B” “Plan B?” exclaimed Bruce, “What’s that?” “I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her” replied Cobber. “Spot on” Bruce said, “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples” “Play with her nipples?” Cobber said, “Not exactly a good time for that mate” "No… " Bruce replied, “But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper”