Fast

Fast jokes

911

    • A collection of 911 jokes.

    What kinda pizza did they order at 911?

    Plane.

    What was the color of 911?

    Plane.

    What is the fastest way to see 911?

    Plane.

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    German

    • How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.

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    Orphan

    • I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

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    • Cheetah

    • Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

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    • Masturbation

    • I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

    I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

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    Government

    • A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

    In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

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    Stephen

    • If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!

    Mom

    • My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

    One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

    My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

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    Rabbit

    • A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.

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