Fast jokes
Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because it's all about family!
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.