Farmers jokes
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
What did the cow say to the farmer? Moo away!
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?
'Cause they were using fowl language!
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
It's about bottling.
It's about crying.
I stay finished, I fake retire.
Put in the diving.
Put in the ghosting
And take my fake trophies.
Eibar and Bolivia in my veins.
My Barcelona banged by Bayern.
I bottle the game, so what's my farmer's name? (Pessi)
What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
What did the farmer say to the pig? "You snout to believe it!"
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where is my tractor?"
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
Farmer: Phew! I got all the eggs from the chickens!
Farmer #2: EGGcellent!
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
What did the farmer who lost his tractor say?
*waits 25 seconds*
"I lost my tractor!"