New Fan Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

Why do athletes cool down fast? Because they have fans.

Wash your hands.

I love Hebrew John!

Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?

A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."