Family jokes
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"