Family jokes
You're mum.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?
Because they don't have parents!
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"