Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
Family Jokes
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently thatās where most accidents happen.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
Whatās the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Why canāt you kidnap an orphan?
Because you canāt steal what was never wanted in the first place.
