Family jokes

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Why did the Orphan go to church?

To call someone father.

I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.