Family jokes
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
What movie do all orphans find relatable?
Spiderman: No Way Home.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently thatâs where most accidents happen.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesnât have a home button.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
My wife told me sheâll slam my head into the keyboard if I donât get off the computer.
Iâm not too worriedâI think sheâs jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.