My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can't an orphan sign up for adoption websites?
Parental Login: __________
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.
