Family jokes
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?
They can't find home. 🤣
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
my goofy ahh uncle
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.