Family jokes

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is!

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.

Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't hit a home run.