That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
Family Jokes
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
