Family jokes

Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?

Wait a minute! What am I talking about?

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.

Why do orphans have dry cereal?

Because they're still waiting on the milk.

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

His name is "Daddy!" HELP!

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I’m blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.