Family jokes

What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.

Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."