I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
