Family jokes

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.