Family jokes
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
*The talk*
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."