Family jokes

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

Orphans go on vacation to the ancient pyramid to find a mommy.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?

They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.