Family jokes
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
Walt what?
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."