Family jokes
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"
Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."
Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."
What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.
Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"