Family jokes

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mom.

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.