What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."
What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.
What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
Why do orphans play GTA? Because they want to feel wanted.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
