Family Jokes

What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

🤣

A meme with two parts. The upper part is a dialogue between a kid and a mother about dark humor. The mother tells her kid to tell a man without arms to clap. The kid responds he's blind, and the mother says, "Exactly." The bottom part shows a man in a sports uniform being interviewed in front of a football field at night. The text on the image says, "They had us in the first half, not gonna lie."

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOF!"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.

What is stronger than family?

The tree Paul Walker hit.

I hate family reunions.

I see too many of my ex's there.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.