Family jokes
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Memes
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF!"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.