Family

Family jokes

Blood Type

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Mummy

Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.

Grandpa

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Abuse

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Parent

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

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  • Accident

    Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

    Dad

    What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

    Priest

    Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

    Orphan

    I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

    Wife

    Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

    Trampoline

    Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.