I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...
He’s a suicide bomber.
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents."
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
My mom ask stop making joke about suicide I answer- don’t worry ...I stop soon
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
I hate family reunions
I see too many of my ex’s there
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
