Family jokes

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Why do orphans play GTA? So they can be wanted.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.