Family jokes
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.