A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
