Family jokes

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

Why don't orphans go skydiving?

Because they don't have the "Morley."

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

Q: What's an orphan's favorite porn site?

A: Motherless.

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?

One is hope and the other is soap.

What is harder than steel?

My cousin at the family reunion.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.

Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.

What do atoms and parents have in common to orphans? You can't see either of them.

My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.