Family jokes
Why can’t orphans watch clean nice content? Because they are family friendly.
Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home base is.
Mom! (DYM 3)
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
Mom! (DYM 10)
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it does not have a home page.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
Mom!
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.
Because we couldn't afford a dog.
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l