Family jokes
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Why can’t orphans go to school? Because they don’t have a parent to sign them up.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
When you figure out your sibling is an online dater:
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
"Yo mama so... Wait... Whose mother am I speaking of?"
Why did the orphan have to stay at school?
Because they need to leave with a parent.
No one has my back like my dad.
What do you say when you sister's annoying you?
Go oasis (go away sis)!
Joe Mama has a chode.
What’s the difference between a mother and a girlfriend?
A girlfriend likes a bad boy.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
They need a parent's signature.
Ur family reunion, a homosexual communion.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
Why is an orphan so bad at baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
Your mom.