Family jokes
What did the orphan say to the house? Can I live here?
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"
Dad: "Because I’m gay."
*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*
Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"
Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."
The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."
Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"
Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"
Son: "But it was a nightmare..."
*Dad turns into a monster*
Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"
The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.
The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?
Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: Excuse me?
Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?
Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.
Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.