Family jokes
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?
Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can never score home.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why can't an orphan have a phone?
Because they will see a home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home run is.
How many foster parents does each orphan have?
One half.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!