Family jokes

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

What is an orphan's first step to the orphanage?

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can never score home.

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.

Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

Mommy?

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?

At least Daniel has a mom.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.