Family

Family jokes

Superman

    • Superman has been called to a huge house fire. Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!" Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--" Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

  • 1

    • Father

    • Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

    The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

    Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

    Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

    This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

    Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

    The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

    "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

  • 7

    • Garage

    • Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

    He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

  • 15

    • Cow

    • I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

    The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

    That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.

  • 1
    • Family memes

    Mom

    • Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.

    Mom: No, honey, I killed him.