Family jokes
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Why was the orphan so bad at baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"
Memes
imagine having a mom
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.