Family jokes

A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?

B: Because today we had a parent meetup.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

Why can't orphans steal bases?

Because they can't find home.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!

Dad: Uh...

*hides his rifle*

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it has no home button.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?

Ama

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.