Family jokes
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
What do Indians call their father when they are born?
Data.
Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Well we learned our lesson don't make a baby mad...
What's an orphan's favorite toy? A boomerang, because it comes back.
Why did the teacher yell at the orphan?
Because he didn’t do his homework.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they couldn't run home.
I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.
I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"
And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"
And I said: "Your parents."
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
What kind of cake can an orphan not have?
Homemade.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
Why did the orphan go to jail? Because he could finally have a home.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Dads are boomerangs, I hope.
Why do orphans miss half the basketball season?
They don't have home games.