Family jokes
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
Not even the FBI knows where an orphan's parents are.
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.