Family jokes

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

Little Jonny fucked his mum.

What's an orphan's favorite game to play on Roblox? The game Adopt Me.

What's the difference between an orphan and a bowl of apples?

The apples got picked!

Why do orphans hate apples?

Because they get picked over.

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.

What are they gonna tell their parents?

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?

Me: 'Cause God made you.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

Why did the orphan misbehave in school?

Because the principal couldn't call their parents.

Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?

Because nobody will actually look for them.

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

How do blind kids get punished?

By moving the furniture around the house.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.