Family jokes

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

Yo, hairline go so far back that your dad found it before you did.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

What superhero will orphans never understand?

Homelander.

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".

What kind of flower do orphans use to bake bread?

Self-raising...

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They ain't got no home to run to.