Family jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.
Why couldn’t the orphan play baseball?
He had no home to run to!
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He didn't know where home was.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
Why can't orphans complete homework?
Because they have no home!
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
What type of pictures do orphans take?
Selfies.
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
Answer: David.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
Whoever said that about me better pray!
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.