Family jokes

Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...

Milk makes you tall, right?

Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?

Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What thing can an orphan do best?

Stay at home alone.

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because his mom and dad are in every episode!

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?

Her dad always comes back.

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

You're more uglier.