Family jokes

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?

Her dad always comes back.

Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!

I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

You're more uglier.

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

Why do orphans become criminals?

To feel what it is like to be wanted.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.

Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

Urmom.