Family jokes

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they have no home to go to.

Why can't the orphan play baseball?

It doesn't know where home is.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find their home.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't get a home run.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!

Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"