Family jokes
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
bruh
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
I made a website for orphans.
Silly me, I forgot the home page.