Family jokes
Why are orphans not that good at baseball?
They can never hit a homerun.
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
What’s an orphan’s favorite snake, self raising flour?
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
My mom is gay.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Your dad is Spider-Man because he’s far from home.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
What do Chinese parents hate the most?
A newborn daughter...
Timmy: *grabs box of Trojans*
Daddy:...
Timmy: Well come on diddy!
Daddy: Well shit lets go son!
Both: YEE YEE
SWEET HOME ALABAMA
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!