Family jokes

Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.

Why can't orphans have cookies?

They are home made.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?

“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button!

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?

Her sister is a real Dess-ember!

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.