Family jokes

I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One gets picked, and the other doesn't.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a homepage though.

Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.

There was a kid being mean to another kid at an orphanage. The kid said, "Stop!" but the mean one said, "What are you going to do? Call your mommy?"

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?

Apples get picked.

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

Dad jokes.

What is an orphan's least favorite snack?

"Dots HOMESTYLE Pretzels!"

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

What do you call an orphan who became a priest?

Father-less.

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

He couldn't find home.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

What did the orphan say to his dad last?

Please get non-fat milk!

Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.