Family jokes

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

I created a website for orphans, but there was no homepage.

What is never ordered in an orphanage?

A family sized pizza!

We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.

What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?

Fuller House.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.

Why are orphans rude at school?

What's the school going to do? Call their parents?

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Like this if you are in foster care.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."