Family jokes

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

Why did an orphan go on Google Maps?

To try and find their parents.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

What is never ordered in an orphanage?

A family sized pizza!

Why do orphans like to go to church?

Because they can finally call someone "father!"

Why are orphans rude at school?

What's the school going to do? Call their parents?

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?

Fuller House.

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?

They’re both alone, but only one is home.