Family jokes
What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.
Why can’t orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find their way home.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.
During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come back.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
I don't like Roblox Adopt Me. It reminds me of my past.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
I'm adopted :[
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
How did the guy greet his wife?
"Howdy, sister!"