Family jokes
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.