Family jokes
What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
Memes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!