Family jokes
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."