Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
