Family jokes
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.
All they will talk about is how great their family is.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"
Why can't orphans bake?
They don't have milk.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.