Family jokes
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home run.
The F in orphans stands for family...
Why are orphans gay? To call someone "daddy."
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.
I worry about him sometimes.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
I found your parent!
Why can’t orphans eat breakfast? Because there is no parent to feed them.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who’s there?
Kid: Not your parents.
Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? There is no home plate.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
If your dad didn't bring the milk, what are you dipping your cookies in?