Family jokes

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

What’s an orphan's favorite beer?

Foster's.

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?... One always gets picked.

Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

What would an orphan priest call himself?

Father Les.

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

Why do orphans cry alone?

They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.

Why can't an orphan play soccer on the home side of the field? They don't have a home!

Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?

Because they don't know what a home is.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.

On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't hit a home run.

What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?

Her dad didn't beat cancer.