Family jokes
What’s the difference between Apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?
The baseball player has a home to run back to.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.