"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Bitch: Nice eyebrows.
Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?
Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball, Laquon Treadwell!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
I wish I was blind.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye
Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road? To get to birds eye
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
