What do you call super expensive shoes? Cashews.
Why is helium so expensive. It is due to inflation
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..." Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then". He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!" Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
The ocean will kill you to death expensively if your on titanic buying the tickets was a wast of money- Ice burg
Are you free tomorrow? No I’m expensive sorry💵💸
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Q:What is the most expensive hair cut A:Cemo therapy
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo all they said was I could ride him it would be expensive tho since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Therapy -Expensive -Years of hard work -Emotionaly draining -Tough to find
Screaming in the woods -Free -Immediate relief -Scares hunters enough to leave therefore saving innocent animals -Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods
My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says
I was listening to my children praying. And my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?" I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings are born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother." She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month. Like the other ones that ran away.
Blonde starts new job at local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.... The gentleman has a good look round before saying to the blonde 'it looks perfect....But Cargo space?' To which she instantly replied 'Oh I'm Sorry sir, Car only for road.
There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I'm angry!" His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up Johnny said when he grows up hes going to be A motherfuking Hustler he's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a rolls- Royce and he's also going to have apartment in the City where his side bitch is going to live he's going to buy her expensive jewelry whatever she wants cars diamonds clothes shoes the teacher didn't know what to say so she calls on Sally what do you want to be when you grow up? Sally said I want to be Johnny's bitch.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer 13 0 1
t thelittletimmy6 days ago 1 like = 1 more child in my blender 82 5 11
a andrewgrayson5 days ago Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy. 27 1 3
M MedievalJoker22 hours ago in America Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?!? 4 0 0
h heeeieo3sxedcv bnm10 hours ago When you call the middle eastern suicide hotline they ask you if you can fly a plane. 3 0 2
The Legend1 day ago Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils? 5 0 0
Staniel13 hours ago A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive." 3 0 2
Staniel14 hours ago Why did the sperm cross the road ———— because I put on the wrong sock today 3 0 0
TheForeverVirgin5 days ago 1 like=1 more orphan I dropkick 28 2 5
Anonymous1 day ago Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :) 4 0 0
Anonymous7 hours ago in Orphan what makes an orphan jump? A Bridge 2 0 1
G Goofy ah11 hours ago I. Have no dad no milk and no mom so that means no tits like if u can relate 2 0 1
A Alastor Already From Hell14 hours ago What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, their both dead, one painted the walls and the other commuted suicide by pressing ALT + F4 2 0 0
C COLINGAMING2000915 hours ago A funny joke
knock knock "Whose there" who "who who" Ha who who you sound like an owl "fuck you" 3 1 1
Sandwichtheif16 hours ago Why can’t orphans play baseball?
He can’t find home 2 0 0
Cal3y3 days ago 1 like= 1 more child in my basement 9 2 0
Anonymous5 days ago in Orphan What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt me. 15 1 1
e easports3 days ago 1 like= 1 kids in the bed with me 8 2 3
Z Za_gotjokesss4 days ago My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt 7 0 0
G Goofy ah2 days ago +1 like=1 kid in my basment +1 comment =1 kid in my microwave +1 share =1 kid in my blender 3 0 14
1 2 3 4 5
