A bat-mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat-mitzvah!!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon cause well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
once we went to a light bulb party last night , YO it was freakin lit.
+
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon..
And into a children's birthday party.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday. Not a soul in sight.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever? A: Hiroshima Japan 1946
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute? 2001/9/11
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom, because he had no BODY to go with.... i could have said a skeleTON more jokes.. but i think that might brake your funny bone
What has 5 legs 3 arms and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity then the SantaFe school shooting?
Cause Royal Weddings dont happen every week.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
