Elderly jokes
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What do old people have when they are sick.
A going away party.