Elderly jokes
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldnβt quite reach."
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
What does a dick and an elderly person have in common? They are both short.
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.