Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Young Couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town. He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.” The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa? His life insurance
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The Blue tang fish.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
tell an old person to pretend shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
the twin towers collapsed faster then my grandma did.
jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Whats the difference between the twin towers and the poeple at the old folks home. They both collapsed
Elderly man: can I get a discount please, I fought in world war 2..
Cashier: sure!
Elderly man: danke
HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!!!!
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. 24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back. 31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
