Education

Education jokes

Add joke

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

Little Johnny was finishing up his homework when the teacher gave him an assignment for the day. The instructions were simple: compare two objects; we will work on contrast next week.

Son, what is 1 plus 1?

Dad, I don't know.

Son, it is 2.

Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.

My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?

Me: Sorry I couldn’t make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.

Teacher: What kind of appointment?

Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 😈😈😈

True story.

What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!

1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”

2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.

3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.

Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.

The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"

When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.

And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.

  • 1

    • Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

    Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

    Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

    5 minutes later

    Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

    Teacher, the one sucking it?

    Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

    Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"

    Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?

    Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?

    Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!

    Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.

    Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.

    56 hours later.

    Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.

    Carl: Why me? Yes?

    Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?

    Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...

    Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!

    Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.

    Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.

    Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?

    Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...

    Vronica: For real!

    Carl: Mhmmm

    Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!

    Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.

    Mrs. Lewis: Yes?

    Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?

    Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!

    All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!

    Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?

    Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!

    Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee

    Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...

    Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.

    Oh sorry... I think.

    Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?

    All students: That's not a thing!

    I never heard of it...

    Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!

    Khloe: Why?

    Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.

    Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?

    Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!

    Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...