Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
