Eating jokes
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.