Dump jokes

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?

The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.

Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.

Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!

Dump in a stump. Ahahahaha.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

What's the same about bins and orphans? They get dumped.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?

He dumped them.

Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?

A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.

What did buttholes say after taking a dump?

Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

Why do orphans not know how to spell?

Because no one likes them, dumb people. 🤭🤡

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.

I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."