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What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

How many emos does it take to fix a light?

I don't know because they never came down.

Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?

He can't choose between black or white.

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?

"Ketchup!"

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.