DoS jokes
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
Memes
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"