How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
