DoS jokes
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Memes
DIS IS NUT FOR KIDS
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...