Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
