Dont jokes
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
Q: Why don’t orphans have a personality?
A: They don’t have a person in reality!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
Don’t cut yourself up about it.
What is something an orphan's phone does not have?
Home buttons.
People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!