Dont jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"
JAW don't know sh*t!
What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?
I don't know... I just fly the drone.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
Why don’t mountains take things seriously?
Because they’re hill areas.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”