What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Dont Jokes
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"
The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
What happens when you search nudes on my phone?
Nothing, I don't have any.
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Please take this down, it's not funny at all!
It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
What is a Mexican's favorite sport??
Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.
"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
