Dont

Dont jokes

As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

Devil: Did she just twitch?

Angel: No. She didn’t twitch.

Devil: I think I saw her finger twitch.

Angel: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.

Devil: She wants to scratch her face.

Angel: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.

Devil: But her cheek has an itchy spot.

Angel: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.

Devil: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...

Angel: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...

Devil: How about a song?

Angel: Good idea!

Devil: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶

Angel: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!

Devil: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....

Angel: Don’t be so mean!

Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

Angel: Stop it!

Devil: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!

Angel: No, she didn’t.

Devil: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....

Angel: She didn’t screw anything up!

Devil: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!

Angel: That’s not how it works...

Devil: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.

Angel: They know what they are doing!

Devil: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.

Angel: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...

Devil: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.

Angel: Stop this right now!!

Devil: “Never going to give you up....🎶”

Angel: Stop!

Devil: “...never going let you down....🎶”

Angel: I’m not going to let you...

Devil: “Never going to give you up...🎶”

Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?

Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

  • 7

    • Why are orphans always on the toilet?

    Because they don't have anyone to give them some toilet paper!

    Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

    What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

    "For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

    Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

    Bully (😏): Name 3 things you don't have.

    Orphan named Kaiel (😔): Um... a dog... a doll... and a credit card.

    Bully (😡): NO!

    Orphan named Kaiel (😟): Sorry, what???

    Bully (🤣): Parents. Family. And a home with people you love.

    Mrs. Harolen: Students, tomorrow's assignment is to bring your parents to school for a conference with the teacher information.

    Garen: I want to know who cannot bring their parents to a conference. ORPHANS!

    Students: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Mrs. Harolen: Garen sit down! NOW!

    Garen: Hey, why can't orphans get a dog? They don't have their parents to drive them to the animal shelter.

    Halen: Yeah! Why are orphans racist? Because they never saw their parents with a different race!

    Students: No, that's not funny!

    Student: SHUT UP!

    Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

    Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

    Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

    Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

    Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.

    Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"

    To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."

    Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."

    The police said "How old are you?"

    Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.

    Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

    Myrtle Beach has a clear blue sky and sunny weather, a pleasant place to visit as a family. Don't you think they are not evil creatures, and do you think they have them?

    "No, there are no ghosts or evil creatures." You can say that, but don't be surprised when Gina Claw Scare comes for you, aka GCS for short. Gina Claw Scare was born in North Carolina in August 1991. She died in 2000. No, that's not real. WRONG. Gina's real name was Gina Clawien Scaren. Yes, that's why her name is Gina Claw Scare. Why did she die? I know, right? She died from a curse from her bad companions. We never knew their names. The curse sent her down a dark path, demons and hate comments from people on Instagram, Facebook, and the worst jokes on the site.

    Gina Claw Scare loved fire, which means she was a pyromaniac. She would rise from the grave in which she was buried. Did what? Stop, for real this time!

    They buried her on a lawn in the forest that caught fire. "HARSH MAN!" I know, right? She rises from that grave, she comes for the people who call her by name four times. Then she beat the drums and set your house on fire! A fire so harmful that you can feel hurt, friends. You can hear everyone's screaming, and then become like her. Never say her name. NEVER.